So a month ago or so
I was feelin' super confident and sexy and so of course
I figured Hey you know what
I'm just gonna put myself out there and organize some dates
But oh my babies there are dates and then there's stuff
I've been gettin' up to
Friday night
I had pinned a date in the diary with a boy from Tinder
Six foot three
Worked in the city
Borin' job but he were pretty
He said
Where and when
I said Meet at ten
Kinda late but it gave me a bit more time to make sure I looked fit
Have a shower
Style my hair
Spend an hour on what to wear
Paintin' my nails and shavin' my face and makin' my bed just in case
Put me favorite Beyoncé on
Drink a glass of Sauvignon Blanc
I'm lookin' so glamorous feelin' alright and I text the boy
Still on for tonight
It's gettin' late
Yeah and I can't wait
Yeah
To head home 'cos I'm actually knackered
Are you free next week instead
Sure
Don't worry
So sorry
Just let me know when
No hurry
Hey girl
Hey girl
Let's go out
The second I hit the floor everything from before fades away 'cos I'm dancin' from the window to the wall
Who cares about that guy who left me high and dry
It's no big deal and it doesn't affect my self-esteem at all
'Cos I might have had one date cancelled but I'm feelin' fine about it
So yeah these things happen
Yeah exactly it was no big deal
I mean sure
I wasted a bit of time shavin' my legs
Never mind 'cos one week later
I met a cute gallery curator
Wanna rip off his double denim
Make his bed like Tracey Emin
So we set a date
Wednesday at the Tate
Then he cancelled but he said
Hey let's do Saturday instead
One more day for gettin' ready
Haircut, wet shave, mani-pedi
Pop all my pimples
Primp up my face
Haven't wanked all week just in case
Gettin' nervous
Google Van Gogh
Down a pint of Cabernet Sauv'
Order an Uber and when they arrive
I text the boy
Hey see you in five
You on your way
Hey
Hello
Hey girl
It's fine
Oh not again
Let's go out
The second I hit the town forget he let me down and I get down 'cos the club can't even handle me right now
Won't chop off my ear for boys who don't appear
It's no big deal and all art is pretentious bullshit anyhow
So I might have had three dates cancelled
Hey really sorry
Only just got home and charged my phone
Listen uh
I've had an absolute nightmare
But I'm feelin' fine about it
Took a risk with date number four
Bit awkward 'cos we snogged before
But I thought he might not dismiss me 'cos at least once he tried to kiss me
He said
Okay sure
I've got a rugby tour
But I've got time before my flight so call me up later on tonight
Pluck my brows
Ring him on the phone
Hear the international dial tone
Date number five and I'm excited
Feels like this time somethin's right
He didn't seem like the type to
Oh my gosh
No of course it's totally fine
Oh appendicitis is the worst
You get that thing out of there
Ha ha ha
Date number six
I'm feelin' shoddy
If he cancels might kill somebo-
Date number seven
Date
Date nine
Now the first one's back in touch
Do I always sweat this much
Says he'll meet me at the bar
Yay can't wait
Ha ha ha
Wash me body for an hour
You can't see tears in the shower
Tissues and ice cream already in place
Downloaded Titanic just in case
Pause before me full-length mirror
Analyse me every flaw
Come to accept
I'll be fine on my own
As I crawl into bed go to turn off me phone
Work kept me late so sorry I went straight
To the bar but I'm a bit early so no rush, can't wait
Are you sure
I mean great
Just headin' out the door
Hey girl
No he's there
I'm on my way
What
I'm goin' out
Wooh
The second I hit the bar
I spot him from afar and I know my heart will go on near, far, wherever you are
I pull up a chair
There's magic in the air as he leans in and says
Have you done somethin' new with your hair
Someone cares
Aah
I seem to make him laugh
He's friendly to the staff
And he tells me about the stock exchange for an hour and a half
He says This was fun
Walks me home at half past one
He asks if I've got any plans this weekend, I said None
'Cos I might have had one, two three, four five, six, squish, uh uh
Cicero, Lipschitz seven, eight dates cancelled
Cancelled
But number nine was alright
Ti piace questo brano? Attribuisci 2 stellae?